Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
