So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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