Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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