my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
