So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
