Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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