Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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