3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
