I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
