I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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