Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
