Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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