she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
