You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
