So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
