Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
