so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
