Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
