The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
