I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
