Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
