I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
