Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
