at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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