If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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