I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
