She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
