Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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