I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm passing your future prison.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
