Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
