Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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