oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She announced her abortion via fbk
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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