pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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