Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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