Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
