My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
