loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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