It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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