I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
