I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
