You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
