see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
