Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
