I smell stomach acid.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
