It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
