I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
