her vagine was all disorganized.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
