Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
