I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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