I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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