He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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