Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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