I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
