Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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