and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
