I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
