so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
