I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
