wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
